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Old May 21st, 2008, 12:34 PM
C Heenan C Heenan is offline
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Default More Disneyland River stuff

A couple of weeks ago i went to California to bring my daughter home from school and we spent a day at Disneyland. We had good luck with both riverboat captains (we rode twice -- one in daylight and one at night). A selection of good (relatively speaking) jokes:

That lion right there can jump 25 feet. Don't worry though, we're only 18 feet away so he'll go right over us.

That's an African elephant. You can tell because of the large papery ears and because..... we're in Africa.

That's an African elephant. You can tell by it's large papery ears. (Then, gesturing a little farther down the river at an elephant on the other bank) And for you with short term memory loss, that's an African elephant. You can tell by it's large papery ears.

There's a large number of animals over there. What do we see... a zebra, a water buffalo, and one I've not seen before. He's gnu.

We're approaching Schweitzer Falls, named after the famous explorer Dr. Albert Falls.

(After an elephant on the bank lifts its trunk from the water and blows a mist of water into the boat) You may be worried that that elephant just covered you with river water. It's not. (Say this out loud).

We're approaching the ruins of an ancient shrine, built by ancient shriners.

Also, on a procedural note, there was a time when the captain would pul a gun out and shoot at an attacking hippo. Now, the captain's make a big point of saying that they are firing a warning shot into the sky to scare the hippo away. Part of me was watching to see a bird plunk down in the river after the shot.

Craig
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Old May 21st, 2008, 12:50 PM
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cleusk cleusk is offline
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You were lucky. The last time I went to a Disney park and rode it, the performance was lackluster. Looking back, I think Ben Stein could have done a better job.
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Old May 21st, 2008, 12:56 PM
James Medford James Medford is offline
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Default I'm so cool, I hope I never die!

I like the one regarding short-term memory loss. When I was working at River and had a boatload of guests who clearly weren't listening to the spiel, I would throw in something surreal like, "Those three badgers have that giant mosquito trapped in that cave." This usually got no response, confirming that the guests were either:

a. Braindead
b. Too busy digesting lunch.

The joke about the elephant blowing water into the boat reminds me of the margarine commercial from the 70's: "If you think it's butter, but it's not, it's Chiffon."

Last edited by James Medford; May 21st, 2008 at 01:19 PM.
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Old May 21st, 2008, 02:23 PM
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Giant12 Giant12 is offline
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[QUOTE=C Heenan;8123]
Also, on a procedural note, there was a time when the captain would pul a gun out and shoot at an attacking hippo. Now, the captain's make a big point of saying that they are firing a warning shot into the sky to scare the hippo away. Part of me was watching to see a bird plunk down in the river after the shot.

Do they still fire actual blanks? I was at WDW last year and on their version they have the gun shot on a speaker.
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Old May 21st, 2008, 06:16 PM
C Heenan C Heenan is offline
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[QUOTE=Giant12;8132]
Quote:
Originally Posted by C Heenan View Post


Do they still fire actual blanks? I was at WDW last year and on their version they have the gun shot on a speaker.
They were real blanks! I watched the captain reload his gun between trips. Even with the warning shot business, it's still a refreshingly un-PC ride.

Two other lines I liked -- as we started the ride we passed the queue for the Indiana Jones ride. The captain referred to it as "Indiana Jones and the Four-Hour Line."

Passing by a scene of lions feeding on a dead zebra -- "Now there's something you don't see every day... But I do."

Craig
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Old May 22nd, 2008, 08:27 PM
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Alan Cochrum Alan Cochrum is offline
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Thumbs up He'll be here all week, folks

Now THOSE I liked.
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Old May 23rd, 2008, 04:02 PM
JStroop JStroop is offline
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Quote:
Passing by a scene of lions feeding on a dead zebra -- "Now there's something you don't see every day... But I do."
Heh.. I really like that one. Wish I had thought of that when I was spieling on the train for years.
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